Meeting Birthmom Number 3

Here we go again!

We got the call from our social worker Thursday night at 9 p.m. A 22 year old who gave birth that morning, was looking for an adoptive family. Since her boyfriend took off after learning of the pregnancy, she had always planed on adoption, but hadn't spoken with a social worker or made an adoption plan.

The hospital social worker called Catholic Charities that morning requesting someone come down to meet and counsel birthmom. After spending some time with her they decided she would be a perfect match for us, so they gave her our book. She decided she liked us and wanted to meet! YAY! So we set an appointment for Friday morning.

Needless to say we didn't get any sleep Thursday night at all.

Now for the sticky part. I can't remember when, but either later Thursday night or Friday morning we learned that the doctor who delivered birthmom's baby found out she was making an adoption plan, and decided to get involved by suggesting his close, personal friends who were looking to adopt their 2nd child. He told her all about them and gave her a copy of their book as well. This changed everything. We went from being the chosen family to having to compete with a family who was recommended by birthmom's doctor (the man who delivered her baby).

So Saturday morning we arrive at the hospital to find out that she is also meeting the Doctor's friends later that afternoon. To be honest if we had known that, we never would have agreed to the meeting in the first place. I mean really... who can compete with her OB's personal, perfect friends?

We got along with birthmom really well and had a lot in common. But she was very blunt and made it perfectly clear that as long as the Doctor's friends were good people she would choose them over us because she wanted her son to have a sibling. So after 4 hours of driving and meeting we find out that once birthmom's doctor got involved, we really had no chance at all.

Needless to say our social worker, birthmom's social worker, and the social worker at the hospital were really REALLY angry at the situation. Evidently it could be considered some sort of ethics violation on the part of the doctor. Honestly, I have no idea about that. I wasn't really angry for some reason. I'm just hurt. How many times has our book been given to birthmoms only to be rejected? And now this is our 3rd time meeting a birthmom only to be turned away. After 4 1/2 years, 3 rejections, and all sorts of other drama I think I might have just gone beyond my breaking point.

My emotions are really mixed right now. Part of me doesn't really even care anymore and part of me is tired of being judged by others only to be found lacking in something. I can't begin to tell you how old this is getting and how brutal it is. From what I hear we are the only family to have to wait this long for a placement. We are also the only family to be rejected by birthmoms 3 times.

I'm actually seriously considering pulling our book now instead of in December. I mean really.............. What's the point of keeping it in?