Welcome to Our Adoption Story!!

We wanted to let everyone know that we pulled our book today (1-15-2010). For those who don't know, that means we have given up on our dream. After 4 years of roller coaster rides and having our lives on hold, we've decided to move on. Most people wait 1 to 2 years to be placed, but for us it just never happened. I guess the reality is.....if God wanted us be parents, we would be.

That being said, we hope that those of you who are in the process of adopting can learn something from our past experiences and failures. We have shared what happened as well as the important lessons we learned along the way. This whole process has definitely been a HUGE roller coaster ride. Worse than dating!!

Anyway, if you have any questions or would like to post comments, please feel free to do so. Take care and have a great day!!!!

Weighing Our Options

We've been waiting to adopt for 3 1/2 years now and still no luck. Since abortion is so easy to attain, even publicly funded now, and having a child out of wedlock no longer holds a stigma, it seems that there aren't a lot of infants up for adoption anymore. So we find ourselves in a situation where we need to decide what to do next. Do we just give up after we hit the 4 year mark in December? Or do we keep paying for annual reviews and such?

There is one other option though. We've been discussing giving up the fantasy of having a baby and adopting a school aged child. It would be much more emotionally challenging since the older kids have usually been victims of abuse or neglect, but maybe we could be successful. It's really hard though. We wanted so badly to teach a baby sign language, how to read, how to walk and all that fun stuff. We've had a nursery ready to go since we got chosen the first time 3 1/2 years ago. It's a really hard dream to give up. I'm just not sure what we should do.
The social worker we had for the last several years ended up getting another job, so we are meeting next week with her replacement. It feels like starting all over again. If we do try to adopt an older child we will have to get completely different training as well.

The other issue is family. I come from a family of broken promises. People are so wrapped up in themselves they back out of promises all the time. If we have a kid who has had a hard and unstable life, how do we convince a group of people who focus so much on themselves to stop, take a breath, and realize how they affect those around them? I guess there is just a lot to consider....

New Opportunity

Well, yesterday we got a call from our social worker. There was a birth mom who was ready to pick a family and she wanted to know if we wanted our book to be included.

Birth mom is young and troubled. She drank excessively for the first 11 weeks of the pregnancy. There was also regular cocaine and marijuana use. After doing the research we realized that this one may be too much for us. If I were perfectly healthy, maybe we could take the risk, but as things are now...........

Did you know that excessive drinking of this type in the first trimester increases the chance of still birth by 70%? How scary is that?

So as it stands we are still waiting. It just seems that all the children coming up for adoption have birth mom's that use and abuse drugs and alcohol. I wonder if there is anyone out there that doesn't?

Annual Review Time

Well, it's that time again..... ANNUAL REVIEW TIME.

We met with our social worker on Friday morning, reeaally early in the morning. It was an interesting visit. We got some statistics about placements in the last year and found out that there are some women in the counseling stage of the process right now.

From what she said it seems that the social trends have started to change, at least for now. In the past, a stigma was placed on those who were pregnant out of wedlock. It was considered socially unacceptable. But now it's reversing. Teen pregnancy and abortion no longer hold a stigma, but adoption is starting to. It's unfortunate because it may lower our chances of adopting a child in the U.S. We may have to try internationally instead.

For now though, we are sticking with the program. I decided to rewrite my "dear birthmom" letter though. It just didn't seem to fit anymore. I'm just not the same person I was 3 or 4 years ago. I've changed and grown a lot since then.

Plus..... I'm almost an old fart now. I turn 40 in April!

(For those of you over 40, please don't be offended. The "old fart" thing is just a joke with us.)

Will We EVER Be Parents??

As the holidays grow closer, and our niece's due date draws nearer, I find myself wondering if we will ever be parents? We've sat on the sidelines the last several years and watched our nieces and nephews start their families while waiting for the same opportunity. Are we too old now? I'll be 40 in April and I wonder if maybe that's why our adoptions haven't worked out.

I think of my other family members and they all had their kids in their early, mid 20s. When is it too old to be a new parent? Our wait is going on 3 years now and with 2 failed adoption attempts I wonder if it's just not in the cards for us.

That would be such a bummer because we've already spent so much money, time, and heart on decorating the nursery, cloth diapers, clothes, strollers, car seats, bottles, etc...

I'm just really beginning to wonder if parenthood is in God's plan for us.

I doubt BHG is the reason we haven't been chosen very often (he's the perfect guy). Maybe it's me. I love my nieces and nephews like they are my own children. I used to make sure I spent time with them every week. But my sister's became threatened by our relationships and decided to use the kids as a weapon against me. Unfortunately now I only see them on holidays and special occasions. After those experiences, I'm wondering if maybe I am the big bad evil and that's why we haven't been chosen.

I'm sorry to ramble. I'm just not sure what our future holds. At this age we shouldn't still be waiting for life to happen, we should be right in the midst of it. Instead I feel like we are sitting on the sidelines, just watching everyone else.